Australian Transgender Support Association of Queensland Inc.
ABN 15 319 522 768
JAISEN's TIPS on
'Getting by as a Hetero-Guy'
~an F2M guideline~
So, You need to know how to get by? Because I identify as a hetero guy, here are a few of my tips on passing.
Clothes
Get rid of ALL that girly stuff out of your wardrobe!
My favourite place to shop in the beginning was good old Lowes Menswear - cheap and comfy and lots of variety in there. Then, I started to discover cool shops like Powerhouse for Men, David Jones and their designer label menswear section, Jay Jays, and the list goes on. The best thing about men's clothes - they're cheaper and they're a lot more resilient than women's clothing!!
Colour co-ordinate your wardrobe and try to buy stuff you can mix & match. Same fashion rules apply for all genders - and yes, black IS slimming!
If you're going to wear ties with your shirts, guys, go to DJ's or MYER and buy at LEAST two decent, bright ties. It's ALL about IMAGE!
Shoes
Go to shops like Payless Shoes - buy yourself some black and brown leather shoes - great with jeans of any colour and of course, you can wear them both casually and semi-formal. HINT: Make sure you buy belts to match your shoes lads!
Underwear and the Gear to fill it
If you have not had your lower surgery - or are not intending on doing so, but still want the appearance of having something in your jocks - here is one of the best options - not OVERLY cheap, but certainly a lot better than taking a risk with condoms and hair gel!
Go to this website: http://grandopening.altsex.com/catalog/ and go to the Dildos and Harnesses section. Scroll down the page and you will see the very cool Mr. Softie (available in 3 sizes!!!) He is cheap, and very reliable. It costs anywhere from $14.95 US to $19.95 US (depending on what size you want) + about $25.00 US for freight.
Once you get Mr. Softie there is no need to wear two pairs of undies, as some guys suggest. Here is the BEST method. Buy the men's underpants with the "double-pocket" at the front. If you can, get the BONDS ones. Some of them have openings in the inside of the jocks that you can slide Mr. Softie into. If not, you can simply cut a small horizontal line on the inside layer of the pocket, stitch it to stop it from fraying and drop Mr. Softie in from the top. Very simple and he just sits in there and you can go swimming or whatever.
HAIR
Be wary of hairdressers when first transitioning. I had an unfortunate experience where the woman just couldn't deal - she gave me a women's haircut!!! I was so not impressed. I had to go to a barber and tell him to cut my hair.
Men's haircuts are so cheap. None of this $45 for a cut and blow-dry. Just find a good hairdresser or a barber is usually your best bet and get it styled the way you want. Look in magazines and point it out to them if you must.
Now, for most of us, the boost of Testosterone results in the savage side effect of - hair loss!!! Yes, sad, but true. Never fear. Your head just may take to liking Regaine extra-strength. Check with your medical practitioner first, as it apparently contains chemicals that can affect people with heart disorders.
Avoid wearing tight fitting hats or caps, as they tend to exacerbate the hair loss.
BINDING
For those that require that flat-chest look - binding can be painful, irritating and downright frustrating. There are many techniques, including using sports bras and bandages, back-braces and other items. The most important thing is comfort. I used a two-sizes too small sports bra and a two sizes too small thermal shirt, which was really tight and in summer, unbearable. I only lasted three full summers before I could no longer deal with this. Top surgery was my answer to this dilemma. Experiment and find out what works for you.
'WALK LIKE A MAN, TALK LIKE A MAN.
Like the song says. So ditch any of those feminine habits and be consciously aware of what you are doing with your hands. Try to remember the little things - such as the way you sit. Just let it all hang loose guys. Be cool, casual and charming!
No leg crossing, no hair twirling, and no flamboyant hand gestures - unless you're flipping someone the bird and that's hardly classified as flamboyant anyway!
Watch what kinds of phrases you use and take note of how bio-guys treat you. Listen to the way they speak and make mental notes. Of course, be yourself - that's very important. Just always be aware of your mannerisms.
OTHER CHANGES
Testosterone changes many things and for a lot of us, it's basically going through puberty all over again, for example:
- Voice - It gets deeper and it 'cracks', going through stages, just like boys go through. At first, people on the telephone think you may have a cold, but eventually, they just call you 'Sir'.
- Hair growth - Sure, you lose it off the top of your head, but guys, be prepared to look very 'Baldwin-esque'. Hair grows in places you never imagined it could! Pity about the hair loss on the head! You can opt to shave or not to shave. Personally, it's taken four years to get a semi-decent facial hair growth happening, and it's still taking shaving up to twice a day to 'train' it. It will depend on each individual though; as to how these processes affect you.
- Thought patterns - Yes, it's true. Most men really DO think with their dick. Yes, crass, but incredibly true. I thought this was all just a fallacy, but it's true. Your perceptions change. You start to think about sex all the time. Billboards displaying attractive women wearing very little suddenly become dangerously noticeable (by dangerous, I mean as in distracting one whilst driving a motor vehicle). Some days, you just can't get enough sex. It's insane, but hey, I'm NOT complaining!
- Physical Growth - Not sure how it happened, but my feet grew! I went through what I term 'growing pains' for the first year. I definitely changed shape. My body fat got redistributed and my muscles developed - I became a lot stronger. I lost the definition from my cheeks and my face changed - my eyes are the only things that remained the same.
Finally, if you're looking for other FTM guys here in Australia to socialise with, talk to, or ask questions of, myself and others are available!
Transmen can do anything
I'd like to start a brag about the times we have all gotten away with being a regular guy and not been discovered for our differences.
This is not a challenge to do stupid things, but rather an assertion that the fun in life does not end when transition begins.
Let me begin: Whilst I was still binding 12Ds and waiting for my voice to break, I was playing AFL in club competition. This would not be very spectacular, except that it was a men's team.
[And they never knew about me]
I'm sure you all remember the first time you went to the barber for a haircut and hoped he'd realise you were a guy.
Or the time you outed yourself, only to find the other person didn't believe you.
I'd love to hear your stories, and I'm sure the other guys and girls reading this column also would.
BUT remember, don't put yourself in potentially dangerous situations for the sake of a brag!!!!
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